Sunday, February 17, 2013
The moment in life when I thought I am all ready for whatever decision I have made,
then it sets back to uncertainty and whirling doubts;
The moment in life when I thought all feelings have ebbed out and fallen dead,
a sense of melancholy and sadness creeps into the mind and soul;
The moment in life when I thought all else does not matter anymore,
the feeling of letting go is filled with a sense of reluctance and dread;
The moment in life when I thought I have the strength to carry out my very own wishes,
I falter with a heavy heart and troubled mind.
The moment in life when I thought I do not have any more tears to shed,
they come marching uninvited, unbidden and unwanted.
In these moments, loneliness rears its ugly head - alone in that on one can help me save and except for I, Me and Myself. It matters not how many good, kind, close friends, and it matters not how well meaning they are, I am all alone in this.
In these moments, all problems loom up in my head and everything appears to be in gigantic proportions without any solutions in sight. The sense of loss and hopelessness increases with each added minor upset and problems from all other sources and people, building up irritation and then just the desire to bury myself somewhere out of this world.
In these moments, I have to decide...what do I want? where to go?.... That is the choice I have to make, execute and implement. No turning back but to plod on and work it out till the next decision making stage arises.
At the very final moment, I know I can and I know I will make it! In between are just "these moments" which will occur and recur but will not deter, moments which will pass... to that moment when I fortify myself with the strength, humility and conscience for what I choose to undertake. TAKE HEART, LOH YIN FUN - never say die!
*** peace from ahfun ***
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